And then I pretended I was a grown up

Nothing like a good scare to make you rethink things. I was just reading Shmoopie's newest entry and it got me thinking, dude, I'm totally growing up!

Well, not entirely grown up, mind you. I'm still somewhat childlike (see: overuse of the word "dude"), but something's changing. And it's not just my voice. I'm starting to think about the future and things I really want to do for myself and the people in my life around me. I think some of that is because I now have someone who really cares for me in my life, but honestly? That can't be the only reason. There's gotta be something more.

I want to go back to school in the Spring. Take photos. Maybe even sell those photos. Heck, I know I'm a good photographer. I just wanna be better. It's something that makes me really happy. It never used to. It's like it changed overnight. One day taking photos was a chore, now it's a joy. Granted, I keep forgetting to take my camera with me everywhere, or I'll forget to take the film in to get it developed, but I still love it.

Every morning I now spend more time with the cats. No more rushing around to get into an office where no one really cares that you've shown up HOURS earlier than other people to get work done. Sure I stay too late, but heck, I'm not killing myself to finish everything in one day.

When I'm with the gal, I admire her gray hairs and her laugh lines. I always tell her that they're the best parts of her, cause they make me think she's lived through both the good and the bad. I want my own laugh lines and stray gray hairs. She thinks I'm crazy for it, but the old me never would have noticed those things cause I was always moving too fast.

I take the time to hold my grandmother's hand. And I make sure to split that decadent peanut butter cookie with her. I listen to her go on about the changing colours of the leaves and how she loves the red leaves, but only on the little trees because it looks like they're on fire. I never used to listen to that stuff. I can't even tell you if she used to tell me that. But I know she says it now.

I hug my friends like I might never see them again. Sometimes I even give them messy kisses. Like the one's you used to get from your friend's little sister.

I've learned to enjoy the here and now and not to dwell on what MIGHT happen down the line. Nothing worse than speculation. I know it's such an overused line, but really, go out there and live life to the fullest. Make the changes you always said you would, but never got around to doing cause you were too busy. One should never have any regrets in life. So far I have none. Yee haw.